Monopoly
by Der Mondstrahl
Summary: Harry, Draco, Snape, Luna, and others wake up on an island that looks mysteriously like a monopoly board. How did they get there? Will they get home? How will they, friends and foe alike, interact now that their lives are a board game? Eventual M/M & F/M.
1. Friday Night

**A/N: Welcome to my Monopoly fic. I'm doing a fanfiction intersession at my school (a week where I sit in a room for seven hours every day and write fanfiction) and needed to start a new one. The fic should be pretty cool, despite the hokey idea. **

**Just so you know, this universe disregards everything that happened when Harry gets to the ministry in the 5****th**** book. Sirius is still alive, as is Remus, Dumbledore, Snape, and Voldemort. Voldemort pulled some really stupid stunts and lost a lot of dignity and credibility. He fled, and now no one knows where he is. **

**Warnings:**** Language, violence, innuendo, and there might end up being some slash pairings and straight pairings (maybe HP/DM, HP/SS, SB/RL, SB/SS, RW/HG—if you want to vote which ones, I'll put a poll on my profile. **

**Review! Thanks!**

_Chapter 1: Monopoly_

"Is that all you've got, old man?" joked Harry Potter, dodging a stream of ropes that shot from Dumbledore's wand.

"Lesson three: be careful which old man you taunt, Harry." Albus Dumbledore flicked his wand at Harry. Before Harry could raise a shield charm, he was hit by Professor Dumbledore's curse. "Lesson four: clearly that's not all 'I've got.'" Harry was still trying to figure out what the curse had done. He reached up to scratch his chin—moustache—_beard_. "Lesson five: watch who you're calling 'old man.'" Dumbledore smiled wistfully as he watched Harry trip over his new beard.

Harry quickly froze the beard, stopping its growth before he couldn't breathe anymore. He was pretty sure he looked like a giant guinea pig or something. Next, he put up a shield around himself and his massive beard before systematically severing parts of it, so that he could maneuver sufficiently. He wouldn't have a chance at winning the duel if he were stuck in a beard. –Of course, if he thought about it, he didn't have a chance of winning against Dumbledore anyway.

He got his arms and legs free, but kept the rest of the beard. It was the middle of the winter, and they were dueling outside on the snow-covered lawn. Harry didn't mind the extra warmth, even if it was a little itchy.

He thought about ways to get the upper hand on Dumbledore. He couldn't disillusion himself, because Dumbledore would be able to sense the magical signature…or something. He couldn't apparate around to confuse Dumbledore because he was inside the Hogwarts grounds. He couldn't fake Dumbledore out with one spell while he cast another, because Harry didn't know how to multitask with his magic yet.

An idea struck him. He _could _multi task with other things. Would it work?

He conjured the biggest snake he could, and plopped it down right in front of Dumbledore. It was twenty five feet long, and its body was at least a foot in diameter at its widest.

"_Trap him!"_ hissed Harry in parseltongue. "_And don't bite him!"_ Harry remembered just in time that the snake was probably very venomous.

Harry began rapidly shooting spells at Dumbledore. Trap. Stun. Bind. Impede. Levitate. Freeze.

"_I will crussshh him"_ hissed the snake as it thundered after the agile Dumbledore.

"_Don't hurt him. Jussst trap him," _Harry told the snake between spells.

The snake hissed something that sounded remarkably like "_kill-joy." _

By that time, Dumbledore was dancing around to avoid Harry's spells, and was still managing to make Harry move. Just then, the snake took a particularly accurate swipe with its tail, forcing Dumbledore to cartwheel out if its way. Harry finally managed to land a hex ("_Rictusempra!"_), and Dumbledore collapsed in a fit of laughter. The snake took that opportunity to curl itself firmly around Dumbledore's rib cage (which was still shaking from laughter) and pin his arms down.

Harry approached, quite pleased with himself. Dumbledore stopped laughing to look up at him.

"Clever, Harry."

Harry beamed.

"Lesson six." Dumbledore paused like he was trying to remember something. When he spoke again, Harry's jaw dropped. "_Know your opponent'sss ssstrengthsss," _Dumbledore hissed in very British accented Parseltongue. "_Free me," _he told the snake, and it obeyed.

The snake looked apologetically at Harry. "_Your accccent'ss better, but he hasss more power."_

"Bugger," said Harry. As he ran, he cast a shielding charm around himself, but Dumbledore was faster. Harry felt a spell hit in him between his shoulder blades. Before he knew it, he was on the ground, his legs jerking and twitching uncontrollably with the _tarantallegra _curse. He tried pointing his wand at the approaching Dumbledore, but his legs wouldn't allow him to keep it steady enough.

"_Expelliarmus,"_ incanted Dumbledore. Harry's wand flew out of his hand, and Dumbledore caught it.

Harry's legs stopped twitching. Dumbledore reached down and helped Harry up.

"What inspired you to conjure a snake?" asked Dumbledore while Harry was brushing himself off.

"I figured it was the best way I could multitask," said Harry. "I didn't know you spoke Parseltongue."

"I did my best to learn Voldemort's parlor tricks," he smiled. "It is more productive for you to be dueling with his strengths and weaknesses in mind rather than mine. Otherwise, when the time comes—"

"If the time ever comes," Harry interrupted. "Do you think he's really going to come back? He's been gone since sixth year." Voldemort had vanished after a series of embarrassing blunders that had virtually lost him all credibility as "dark lord."

"I am sure he will," said Dumbledore gravely. "He is certainly not sitting on a beach in Majorca sunning himself. I'm sure he burns too easily." It was a mark of how widespread Voldemort's discredit was that Dumbledore would joke about him, even subtly.

"Either way," he continued, "if I prepared you to fight against me, when the time comes, you might expect to win a duel with Voldemort by offering him a lemon drop as means of distraction."

Harry chuckled. "Would that work on you?"

Dumbledore's eyes glimmered. "You'll have to try to find out. Monday's lesson's in the morning, however, and I'll have just brushed my teeth. If you are going to try, please do so in the afternoon. –And now, our dinner approaches. Shall we?" He offered Harry his arm.

Harry rolled his eyes, and took the arm. If any other man had offered his arm, Harry would have asked if he'd been jinxed. With Dumbledore it was just part of his eccentric genius.

Harry let Dumbledore escort him inside the castle, into the great hall, and back to the round graduate table to the left of the head table. As he pulled out Harry's chair, Ron caught Harry's eye and promptly stuck his fist in his mouth so that he wouldn't laugh. Hermione smacked him with a notebook before turning to Dumbledore.

"Good evening, Professor Dumbledore."

"Good evening, Ms. Granger. I trust your lessons are going well? Septima tells me you are helping her teach her classes."

"Oh yes!" gushed Hermione. "Professor Vector's a fantastic teacher, and I'm learning so much and…" Ron looked at her incredulously. "It's really wonderful," she finished, blushing a little.

Dumbledore smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. I look forward to catching up with all of you, but, if you'll excuse me, I hear a pork chop calling my name. It's uncanny. Have a lovely meal."

"You too, professor!" Hermione called after him as he swept behind the staff table.

"I could cut your meat for you professor! It's really not out of my way," mocked Malfoy from across the table. Luna's head drifted sideways to look at him.

"I believe you're making fun of Hermione. That's mean, Draco," she told him.

"Oh, eat your rabbit food, Loony," said Draco gesturing at her salad, "and mind your own business."

"I find that a bed of Hankileaf is quite sufficient for my diet, thank you."

"'Oo tell 'im" said Ron encouragingly through a mouthful of food.

"Five points from Gryffindor for talking with your mouth full, Weasley." Harry fell out of his chair in shock. Snape was standing right behind him, and he hadn't noticed.

"But Professor," said Hermione, "We're not in Gryffindor anymore. We're in the graduate program and—"

"Are you contradicting me, Granger?" oozed Snape dangerously.

"Five points to Gryffindor for astute observation skills," said another voice from behind Harry, who was still on the ground. Harry craned his neck and spotted Sirius Black standing behind Snape.

"Black," growled Snape.

"And five points from Slytherin for attacking Mr. Potter," finished Sirius.

"I did not atta—I am a profess—Remus, can't you control your dog?"

Remus Lupin had appeared, his hand on Sirius's shoulder. "'Fraid not, Severus. I've been trying for years. Come on, Sirius. The food's getting cold."

"No it's not," he protested, but he went with Lupin all the same.

"You too, Severus, let's go."

Snape's face twisted in indignation. "Don't presume you can…" their argument faded into the din as they made their way behind the staff table.

Harry got back up to his seat. Hermione's face was in her hands. "Every. Single. Day. _Boys! _Why can't they get over it?"

It was the only topic that Harry and his friends and Malfoy could discuss civilly. They were all in awe of how immature Sirius and Snape acted around each other.

"I mean, Potter, you and I aren't _that _bad."

"Even if you are a ponce," said Ron.

"Blood traitor."

"Daddy's boy."

"Bankrupt."

"Spoiled brat."

"Brainless oaf."

"Narcissistic ferret."

"Weasel."

Ron growled.

"Yeah, we aren't that bad," said Harry. "That, and they're a good twenty years older than we are. They should have had time to _get over it_."

"I mean," said Hermione reasonably, "there's competition…that's like Harry and me in potions class, then there's rivalry—that's like…Harry and Draco—sorry Draco." Draco shrugged. "Then there's nemesis, like Harry and Snape, I suppose…and outright enemies like…Harry and Voldemort—"

"And then, on a totally different level, there's Sirius and Snape," interrupted Ron. Everyone at the table laughed except Luna, who was busy examining one of her Hankileaves.

"They'd have killed each other by now if Lupin hadn't been looking after them like infants," said Draco.

Both Harry and Draco had a lot of respect and affection for their godfathers Sirius, and Snape, respectively, but it had gotten too difficult for them to keep defending the petty bickering.

"I still don't understand why Black's here, though," said Malfoy.

"It's only been four years since he cleared his name after our fifth year," said Hermione.

"Imagine him out there on his own. He'd get eaten alive," said Ron.

"And I guess he's helping out here and there. He's really good at teaching the first years to fly, and I overheard McGonagall saying she's really appreciated having him as her assistant. I mean, how old is she? She must be around seventy five," said Harry.

"It sure seemed like an act of mercy more than anything," said Draco.

"No one's denying that. He is, um, a fairly frivolous person," said Hermione sheepishly.

"And Snape's so bloody stubborn," groaned Harry. He'd come out of their graduate lesson with Snape that morning with a rash all over his hands because Snape refused to tell him how to fix it.

The dishes cleared themselves of the remaining desserts, and the five graduates stood up.

"Back to the common room, then?" asked Malfoy. "You lot aren't going to play exploding snap again tonight, are you? I could hear you through my silencing charms."

"Sorry about that," grimaced Hermione. "No…it's Friday night and we've got some extra time. I thought we'd play Monopoly."

"Another muggle game, 'Mione?" asked Ron, still swallowing cake.

Draco snickered. "A Friday night and you lot are playing board games _again._"

"I don't exactly see you going out on the town, Malfoy," said Harry.

"Besides," said Hermione, "his game's really good."

"Good like Clue, or good like strip poker?" asked Ron.

Hermione hit him with a notebook again as they made their way out of the hall and towards the grad dorm on the fourth floor. Draco walked in front, pretending he wasn't walking with them, and Luna walked in back, looking at the ceiling and mumbling.

"Fiddlesticks," said Draco to the portrait of the vampire over their dorm door. The vampire raised his eyebrow, gave Draco a onceover, growled appreciatively, and swung the portrait open. Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, and Harry had the distinct impression that she was trying not to laugh.

Once inside the common room, Hermione hurried over to her bedroom. She reappeared a moment later with a long, thin box balanced in her hands. She set it down on the low table between two massive sofas and removed the lid. She pulled out the blue board and unfolded it. Around the edges there were little rectangles and squares with pictures and names in capital letters like "ST. JAMES PLACE," and "ATLANTIC AVENUE." In the middle was the name of the game: "MONOPOLY", with a little man popping out of the second O.

She took out a yellow stack of cards and placed it in a rectangle marked "COMMUNITY CHEST," and an orange stack of cards in the rectangle marked "CHANCE."

"Who all's playing?" asked Hermione.

"I guess I'll play," said Harry.

"I'm in," sighed Ron.

"I will play," said Luna.

"Draco?" asked Hermione.

Malfoy sneered. "What's this one about?" he asked, trying to hide his interest.

"Making money," said Hermione.

"There's no reason for me to play it, then," said Malfoy.

"I bet you couldn't make money," said Ron. "Sure, you're pretty good at _inheriting_ it, but you couldn't actually make any."

"Look who's talking, Weasley."

Ron grinned. "Chicken."

"Are you _trying _to get him to play?" asked Harry incredulously out of the corner of his mouth.

"I'll kick his arse," Ron replied quietly.

"You don't even know how to play."

"Neither does he," argued Ron.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Alright, I'll play. It will be horribly boring for me, though," said Malfoy.

They all sat down on the couches around the table and looked expectantly at Hermione.

"Ok, you pick your pieces while I deal out your money. I'll be banker."

"I think I should be banker," said Malfoy. "I know what to do with money."

"Like throw it at your problems?" muttered Ron.

"I'll be banker," said Hermione. "Pick your pieces, there." She poured out a handful of little metal pieces onto the board.

Malfoy immediately grabbed the man on the horse. Ron coughed and it sounded remarkably like "_ponce."_ Luna picked the boot. Ron picked the ship. Harry picked the car.

Hermione was dealing out the thin pieces of fake American money, muttering to herself. "Two of these…two of these…six of these…five of these…" When she was done, she handed each player his or her stack of money.

"I think I'm missing a hundred," said Malfoy immediately.

"It's under the table, Malfoy," said Harry, trying not to get irritated so early in the game.

Hermione picked her piece (the wheelbarrow), and began explaining the rules. She waved the property cards at them, and pointed out squares on the board like "Go" and "Jail" and "Free Parking." "It's not technically in the rules," said Hermione, "but I like to play where luxury taxes and things go to Free Parking."

They all nodded, trying to follow along.

Before long they were bartering for property, fighting over the Boardwalk, building houses and hotels, mortgaging, and praying to Merlin that they didn't get three doubles in a row lest they go to jail.

It was well past midnight when Hermione finally exclaimed, "goodness! Look at the time! I've papers to grade tomorrow!"

"Oy," said Harry, "I was going to tutor Marc, the Gryffindor seeker. Sorry, but I should..."

They broke apart, and each headed to their individual rooms. Luna remained at the table counting.

"Does this mean I win?" she asked the common room before heading to her own chambers humming.

Harry was exhausted, and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He slept, and he slept soundly.

–They all slept soundly. Ron was snoring away in his bed. Hermione fell asleep with a book on her chest, and Draco was nestled under his green silk sheets. Luna had donned her home-invented dream-enhancer and tucked herself in with her feet on her pillow.

Harry felt like he'd been asleep for twelve hours when he finally found his way back to consciousness with a warm morning sun beating down on his face.

It took him a moment to realize—he was laying on something other than a bed. Concrete? No, tiles. He opened his eyes and saw red tiles. He blinked blearily. Was he dreaming? Was someone playing a joke? Had Voldemort captured him?

He sat up, feeling himself up and down for injuries. Finding none, he blinked again and took a look around. There were other people—people he knew. There was Hermione, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. There were Ron, Draco, and Luna…And a little farther away was Sirius still sleeping, curled tightly around Remus. He snorted, but had to admit it was pretty cute. And there—there was Dumbledore, stretching and yawning.

And then somebody grabbed the back of Harry's head, and smashed it down against the tile violently. To Harry's surprise, the tile gave slightly, so he was only mildly discomforted by the action but—

"I've got you now, Potter. You have no idea how long I've waited," hissed a voice in Harry's ear.

He whimpered and shook, too afraid to try to worm his way out of the grip of the long, pale fingers.

"Unhand that boy," growled a deep voice. Harry couldn't see the speaker, but it was the second time that day that—

"Severus! My _loyal_ servant. You dare presume to give me orders? I could kill you in an instant."

"Let him go, Tom," said Dumbledore, now standing up and drawing his wand.

"Dumbledore! I'll kill you too, but first, the boy." Harry felt a wand poke him in the back.

"_Avada"_ Harry trembled, closing his eyes. "_Kedavra!" _

There was a bang and Harry was enveloped in green smoke. He heard a high cold laugh, and he knew it must be over.

He took in a lungful of the smoke and coughed. He could still hear Voldemort's laugh, joined by the screams of his friends. He coughed again, knowing it was….it was…

Harry wasn't dead.

"Severus! You're next! _Avada_" said the high cold voice.

"Oh, shut up," said Snape. Harry sat up just in time to see Severus Snape clock Voldemort in the jaw.

"Harry!" shrieked Hermione through Voldemort's howling.

"That's my boy," said Sirius, who'd been awoken by the commotion.

"That's twice now you've survived the Avada Kedavra curse," said Ron in awe.

"The wands aren't working, you imbeciles," said Snape. "Just my luck. I get stuck somewhere without magic with the golden boy and _the mutt," _he spat at Sirius.

Harry stood up and brushed himself off, noticing his outfit for the first time. He wore a three piece black suit with green pin stripes. He looked around at the others. Dumbledore wore a purple suit with silver pinstripes. Hermione had on a flouncy dress and stockings with seams. Ron and Remus's outfits included suspenders. Draco was in all black, except for his white tie, and wore a very shiny pair of shoes. On his head was a matching black fedora. Snape had removed his jacket and had it slung over his shoulder by two fingers. He wore a black vest with a silver shirt underneath and black pants. Voldemort, who wasn't looking particularly dignified at the moment, was in a suit of all black.

"Where are we, anyway?" asked Sirius.

"A nightmare, clearly," muttered Snape.

"Go."

Everyone turned around and looked at Luna. Luna was wearing a yellow sundress that didn't look out of the ordinary for her at all.

"Go?" asked everyone.

"Go," she said.

**A/N: Please review! I'll probably post again tomorrow. TTFN.**

**-Moonlight**


	2. Go

**A/N: Still writing. Yippee. Reminder: Vote on my poll for what the pairing should be! Enjoy. Review!**

* * *

"Go where?" asked Remus.

"No," said Hermione, catching on. "We're at Go. See? There's the arrow over there…and these red tiles here spell out the word…Go."

"Go?"

"From Monopoly?" asked Harry.

"Yep," said Luna.

"I must be dreaming," said Ron.

"I would say that, but I've never heard of Monogamy," said Sirius.

"Monopoly, not Monogamy," said Remus. "Not that you've heard of either."

Snape snickered.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "A suggestion? When I find myself in a situation in which I am not certain of the state of my consciousness, the solution I employ is to try to elicit light pain…"

Ron looked at him dumbly.

"Pinch yourself, Ron," said Hermione. "Or I'll do it for you." She pinched him and he squealed.

Everyone pinched themselves except Voldemort, who was still on the ground, looking around shiftily, and Snape, who was rubbing his knuckles.

"I hurt," said Hermione, Harry, Draco, Remus, Sirius, and Dumbledore. Everyone looked expectantly at Snape.

"I did not need to pinch myself. The dark lord's skull was thick enough to produce some pain…and bruising. Besides, I've never heard of Monopoly. I couldn't be dreaming this."

"Ah, Severus, the imagination is a fantastic place," said Dumbledore. He turned to Luna. "And what about you, Luna?"

"Oh, I'm quite numb," she said. "I suppose this is the effect of my dream enhancer. Last night it was Quidditch…I suppose you're all real?"

"Yes, we're bloody real," said Draco. "What did you do to us?"

"Do mind your language, Draco. Harry, do you remember having a dream last night? About Quidditch?"

"Er…yeah. I have Quidditch dreams a lot, but that one was really vivid."

"And Draco? Did you have one too?"

Draco blushed a little. "Well, it was just me and Potter trying to get the snitch. It wasn't really Quidditch."

"That's what mine was—and I did a feint and you nearly—"

"I pulled up in time. You almost crashed into the stands when I—"

"I got distracted by someone in the crowd…well, now that I think about it—"

"Luna was there watching us. She was the only one there, I think."

"I think you're right. I still got the snitch, though. And then…I guess I woke up?"

"I did too."

They paused for a moment before rounding on Luna.

"That was your dream?" they asked in unison.

"Yep," she said.

Before anyone could react, Voldemort launched himself at Luna, grabbed her by the neck, and began to squeeze.

"This is your fault, little girl? Then you will be the first to die!"

Luna flinched slightly, but stood still. Out of nowhere, Hermione appeared behind Voldemort and slammed him over the head with a giant textbook. Voldemort let go of Luna and rounded on Hermione. She swatted at him again with the textbook as he went for her throat instead. By that time, the others had had a chance to react. Sirius bounded over and tackled Voldemort to the ground, effectively flattening him.

Remus stooped down to Voldemort's face. "There are more of us than there are of you. Don't try anything."

"Get off me, Black," hissed Voldemort.

"No," said Sirius, letting more weight fall onto Voldemort's ribcage.

"Severus! My loyal—"

"Do I look like 'your loyal?'" asked Snape, bending his bruising knuckles experimentally. "I would advise you, _my lord_, to shut up."

"Well, pip pip," said Dumbledore, startling everyone.

"Yes?" asked Snape, irritated.

"Would I be correct in assuming that we have to play out the game to get home?" asked Dumbledore.

"I believe so," said Luna, batting her eyes a little. "I think it's rather nice right here, myself."

Snape growled and looked like he was going to tear into Luna. Seeing Snape, Remus jumped into the conversation.

"Luna, love, your imagination is a beautiful place, but I believe people might worry if we don't wake up."

"That makes sense," said Luna. "Shall we start then? Do you all have your pieces? I have mine." She looked down and wiggled her feet. One foot was clad in a dull silver shoe with no laces.

"I want the horse," said Draco immediately. Just then, a silver stallion trotted up from behind him and nuzzled him with its big silver nose. Draco patted it, his eyebrows showing that there were things that were too good to be true for Draco.

Each of them looked around themselves, spotting silver objects. Snape swapped out his fedora for a silver top hat. Harry's car drove up on its own, and Harry got in it and juvenilely tested the horn. Remus reached into his pocket, and pulled out a silver thimble. A long deep horn startled all of them out of their searching, and they looked—

On two of the four sides of their giant GO square was ocean. None of them could see shore, but they did see a silver ship approach.

"There's my ship!" said Ron. He ran to meet it as it pulled up to a dock none of them had noticed.

Hermione found a wheelbarrow, and she put the textbook she'd brought into the dream on it. Harry wondered how she'd managed to bring a text book with her. Had she fallen asleep with it?

Dumbledore found an iron in his hand, and a cannon rolled up behind Voldemort, who was still being flattened by Sirius. Sirius looked around.

"Is that for me?"

"That's mine," grunted Voldemort.

"Does he have to play?" whined Ron.

"I don't really want him in my imagination forever," said Luna.

"Well, then where's my piece?" asked Sirius.

"I would have thought you would be the dog," contemplated Hermione. "Oh! Maybe if you transform?"

Sirius eyed Voldemort for a moment before getting up.

"Alright, here…" He transformed. Instead of a big shaggy black dog, he'd shrunk into a little silver terrier. He wagged his little tail and yapped happily before snapping playfully at Snape's ankles. Snape aimed a good kick at him and missed. Sirius ran back and leapt into Remus's arms. Remus rolled his eyes and scratched Sirius's twitchy ears as Sirius tried to lick Remus's face. Suddenly, Sirius turned back into a person, and the two men fell in a tangled heap to the ground laughing.

"Alright, where's our money?" asked Draco.

"Check your pockets?" suggested Ron, still chuckling. They all dug into their pockets, and their hands came out empty.

"Maybe we need bankers?" suggested Hermione.

No sooner had the words left her mouth than there was a resounding crack from an uninhabited corner of GO. They turned to see Lucius Malfoy in an elegant thirties pinstripe suit looking quite harassed.

"Father?"

"Draco?"

"What are you doing here?"

"What am I always doing, Draco? Philanthropy. I have this odd feeling that I'm supposed to give you money."

"I believe you are our banker," said Dumbledore.

Lucius looked down at his outfit. "Is this a dream?"

"More or less," said Draco. "We have to play to get out, only I think you're the banker."

Lucius scoffed. "Capital. Well, step up, riffraff. I'm a busy man. I have a meeting with the Minister first thing in the morning."

They lined up, and Lucius handed them each a stack of bills summing up to $1500. Though it looked like Draco was trying to get an extra hundred out of him, Lucius was unable to cheat.

"I have a feeling I'll appear if you need me," said Lucius. "Ta-ta for now. Good luck, Draco." He disappeared with a crack.

"Now what," asked Ron.

"Well," said Hermione, "we roll the dice, and whoever has the highest number goes first. Does anyone know where the dice are?"

They heard another crack, and none other than Cornelius Fudge appeared in a top hat and tuxedo and a curved cane. His walrus mustache wiggled as he spoke.

"Welcome to Monopoly!" he told them.

"Fudge?" asked Sirius.

"You're the Minister of Magic." said Luna matter-of-factly.

"My name is Mr. Monopoly! I'm here to wish you good luck and send you on your way! I have a set of dice for each of you. When it's your turn, they'll roll and you will move the number of properties that you roll. If you have any questions about the rules, I'll be here in a flash!"

"Oh, good lord. We've kidnapped the Minister of Magic," groaned Hermione.

"_And_ brainwashed him," smirked Snape.

"At least Lucy won't be late for his appointment," said Sirius.

"It is likely that if he or I are missed, our colleagues will try to find us. If and when they do, they will likely believe we have been put into a magical coma. To avoid undue panic, I would suggest that we try to finish this game quickly," said Dumbledore.

"Good, good. Now here are your dice." Fudge scurried around and handed each player a pair of white dice with black dots. "Good luck, all of you!" he cheered, and disappeared with a popping noise.

"Alright. We roll, now?" asked Remus. Hermione nodded.

They each rolled their pair of dice on the tiles. "What happens if we get the same number?" asked Remus.

"Keep rolling until they're all different, I suppose," said Hermione.

Ron rolled double sixes, so his turn was first.

"You go first, Ron," said Hermione. "You have to roll your dice again."

Ron climbed onto his ship.

"Are you sure, Hermione?"

"Yes, Ron."

He made a face and tossed his dice. The other players heard them clatter on the deck of the ship, and Ron stooped out of view.

"It's an eight!" he called. "Now what?"

No one had to answer, because, at that moment, the ship gave an almighty lurch away from the dock. It turned, and they heard Ron shout "Argh!" before it began steaming off down the coastline to their right. The ship soon faded into a puff of black steam, and then it was gone.

"Right, well, who's next?"

They heard a clatter of dice on tile, and looked to see Dumbledore's dice twitching to a stop. One was a one, and one was a six.

"Well, off I go!" Dumbledore grabbed on tight to his iron as it pulled him into the air. Harry could have sworn he heard him say, "I love a good adventure," as he disappeared into the blue sky.

Voldemort had rolled a nine, so he was next.

"Get on your cannon, Voldemort," instructed Hermione, resigned.

"Mudblood," he spat before climbing to a seated position on the gun. He rolled his dice. They added to three. As soon as Voldemort saw the one and the two, the cannon lurched forward and began rolling its way across the tiles of GO towards a road that started in the corner and split left and right. The left road, Harry knew, went towards Mediterranean Avenue, and the right went towards the Boardwalk. Voldemort hissed unintelligibly as he went over a bump, and he disappeared behind a hill.

"Well shot of him," said Sirius.

"Ugh, what happens if we end up on the same property as him?" asked Harry.

Remus bit his lower lip. "I was wondering about that. I thought Dumbledore would have an idea. My advice would be…try not to let him see you."

"What if we have to pay him rent? Or what if he has to pay us rent?"

"Bloody complicated Muggle game," muttered Sirius.

"Be careful. Remember, he can hurt everyone but Luna. If you're worried, try to call up Fudge—I mean, Mr. Monopoly," instructed Remus.

Harry's dice twitched in his hand, and he let them fall to the ground. His turn was next. He had a two and a three. Five. He breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't landed on Voldemort's square.

He climbed into his car, and it started rolling silently away from the group.

"Good luck!" called Luna.

"Thanks, Luna. You too," he said as his car began to accelerate across the tiles and towards the road.

Once he hit the road, the car took the left fork which, Harry suspected, continued all the way around the board clockwise. He drove for a few minutes. On his right was relatively empty wasteland where the middle of the board should be. He saw litter along the roadway, and the occasional broken fence. To the left of the car was remarkably similar, but Harry knew that the land was the Mediterranean Avenue property. There were no birds, nor animals of any kind. There were no trees, though Harry thought he spotted a few upended oil barrels. On the far left of Harry, on the other side of the property, was ocean, where the edge of the board should be. As he continued, he approached a large purple sign with the name of the property on it, and then passed it. Soon there was a fence that marked the edge of the Mediterranean Avenue property.

Then, in the distance, he saw a rather large building. He wondered what it could possibly be, but then remembered that Community Chest was the next square on the board. _Then, what is the building_, he wondered. _A civic center? Government building?_ He knew he'd find out eventually. He got a good look at the building as he passed, and then he was back into wasteland. There wasn't quite the concentration of garbage and pollution as the first property, but Baltic Avenue was not exactly where Harry would like to build a summer home. He approached the purple sign and had to squint to see—

"SOLD," said the sign. Then Harry remembered, Voldemort must have bought it. He shuddered, and was glad to see that he was approaching the fence.

There was another building in the distance, and Harry couldn't remember what the next square was supposed to be. He squinted as he approached. A post office? He couldn't tell, and soon, he was past it.

He knew he was approaching his square, and he could see another building. Outside the building, there was the telltale water tank to feed an old fashioned steam engine. Harry pulled up, and there was a little parking spot. His car spluttered to a stop, and Harry got out.

"Er, don't leave without me," he told it. He turned to the train station building. He climbed a set of wide marble steps, and made his way up to the wide arch that made up a door.

He heard a thud behind him and looked to see the silver car revving its way up the stairs.

"If you insist," said Harry.

He walked into the station and looked around himself. It was an average train station. It wasn't grand like King's Cross, but it contrasted with the wasteland he'd already passed. A train was waiting at the platform, steam puffing out of its smokestack. Harry could make out a smudged, red-haired engineer waving out of the front to someone on the water tank outside.

"Good afternoon, sir!" a perky voice attacked Harry. He turned around and got an eyeful of curly blond hair and horn-rimmed glasses. "You are aware that this property is for sale? See, there, the trains have all been replaced. They should last for years. And the piping's all been redone by the Water Works company, and we get a special rate from Electric Company." She dragged him over to the ticket counter. "This is real marble, here, sir. I must say, fabulous quality."

"Really? Marble? I would have taken it for granite," muttered Harry.

The woman continued, as if she hadn't heard Harry's comment. "Now, it's a buyer's economy. I believe bank's selling the whole station for $200. What do you say, Sir?"

"Hello Rita," sighed Harry.

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**A/N: Yay. Chapter 2. I should have chapter 3 up by tomorrow, again. Review, please! And take the poll on my profile. I've added new options by popular demand. Thanks!**

**-Moonlight**


	3. Reading Railroad

**A/N: Chapter for you…I **_**think **_**the next one should be longer. Please review—I want to know if this is **_**really **_**hokey and if I should continue it after the week is up. **

**Enjoy.**

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_**Last chapter:**_ _The woman continued, as if she hadn't heard Harry's comment. "Now, it's a buyer's economy. I believe bank's selling the whole station for $200. What do you say, Sir?"_

"_Hello Rita," sighed Harry. _

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**Chapter 3**

"That's right!" she grinned toothily. "Rita Real Estate. You've heard of me? I'm so glad." She spoke so fast that Harry couldn't get in a word. It was Monopoly. He already knew he wanted to buy the property. "Why don't I introduce you to our engineer, sir. He's right over here. He's a really friendly fellow—I'm sure he'll tell you all about this esteemed establishment." With Harry's car following them, she dragged him over to the train. Harry wondered how she ever made any sales at all if she was always this obnoxious.

Then he remembered that he was in a dream and that her normal profession was writing bullshit about people's personal lives.

"Up there, that's Freddy. He's the engineer of Reading Railroad. Yoo hoo!" She was so shrill that Harry had to cover her years. "Yoooooo hoo! Freddy!"

The red-headed engineer with the smudges on his face stuck his head out the window. "_What_, Rita? Will you _quit_—Oh! Harry!"

"Fred?"

Fred Weasley jumped down out of the locomotive and jogged over to Harry and Rita.

"Now, this here's Freddy. He'll tell you all about soft the seats are and how smooth—"

"Rita, I'll take it from here," Fred interrupted. He winked with exaggeration and gave her a fake smile. "I think I've got it." He nodded enthusiastically.

"Smashing. I'll just…go get a drink, then," said Rita. "Holler if you need anything! I can tell you all about the molding!" She turned and walked across the station, her heels clacking against the stone floor.

"Keeeep walking, Skeeter," muttered Fred.

"So, have you been, what, just running the trains?"

"I'm in charge of Reading and B&O," said Fred. "George's got Pennsylvania and Short Line. Do you have any idea how we got here? And why's Rita all…perky and annoying—well, I mean, perky and annoying in a real estate way rather than a reporter way?"

"Luna," said Harry.

"Ah."

"We were playing this Muggle game Monopoly last night, and then we went to bed and ended up here. She says it has to do with a dream enhancer or something. I guess we have to finish the game before we wake up."

"Who else is here?"

Harry tallied off on his fingers. "Ron, Hermione, Malfoy—and his father. He's the banker—and Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, _Snape_, and—ugh—Voldemort. And Luna, obviously. Fudge is here. He's Mr. Monopoly. He's like Rita—doesn't know who he is or who we are. Have you seen anyone else?"

"Well, George," said Fred. "I run into him sometimes in the mid-stations when I'm switching tracks. He said someone's bought out Pennsylvania railroad. Any idea who that could be?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Is that on the second side of the board—er—island?" he asked, trying to refer to the second edge after Go.

"Yeah."

"Well, Ron, Dumbledore, and Voldemort went in front of me. Ron got…eight—not doubles, so it couldn't be him. Then was Dumbledore…He got seven. Damn, I wish I had a map."

"Do you have the Marauder's map?" asked Fred.

"Well, it was on my bedside table with my wand when I went to sleep, and I have my wand…" he rummaged around in his pockets for a moment. He had so many pockets in his three piece suit. Finally—"I got it!" He pulled it out and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

His wand banged and belched out a large cloud of purple smoke. As he coughed and waved around trying to dissipate the smoke, he noticed that, despite his magic malfunction, the map had filled out. It was not the complicated net of towers and stair cases as it was when he was awake at Hogwarts. Instead, it was an ink-on-parchment map of the Monopoly board.

He examined it, looking at where everyone was. Dumbledore was at the Pennsylvania Railroad with Sirius. Harry reasoned that Sirius had rolled doubles. He must have gotten there after Dumbledore and had to pay for a train ride.

Ron was on Vermont Avenue on the first side of the board with Hermione, who must have gotten there second. Snape was all the way to New York Avenue, which was right before Free Parking on the second side. Draco was—Draco was in Jail. Harry snickered and wondered how he'd gotten there so quickly. Probably Community Chest?

Voldemort was on Baltic Ave. Remus and Luna were still on Go. Harry watched with fascination as the little drawing of a thimble representing Remus made its way down the road by Mediterranean Avenue, passed the community chest and—

Harry's fascination turned to horror as the thimble stopped on the same square as the cannon. Remus was stuck on Baltic Ave with Voldemort.

"What's wrong, Harry? You've got white as…parchment," said Fred, grabbing the map and holding it up to Harry's face for comparison. "Actually, I think you're whiter than parchment. You're—oh—is that Voldemort? And Remus?"

"Yeah," croaked Harry. "I have to go help him."

"You can't leave the square unless you're called, mate. Not until your turn—and, even then you can't go backwards."

"I'm going to test that theory."

Harry ran out of the building with Fred running behind him. Fred stopped at the stairs.

"Are you coming?"

"I can't. I'm stuck."

Harry shrugged and kept going. He ran to the edge of the property, his car puttering along behind him, and then he stopped. He couldn't cross the line. He could almost _see _Baltic Avenue, but he couldn't leave his square.

"Damn!" he cursed again.

He ran back and tried running at the line, but he was worse off for his efforts when he fell in the dirt. He stood and tried turning on the spot to apparate, but he just kept turning.

He pulled out his wand and tried casting _Reducto _at the line. His wand poofed smoke and banged. At least the noise was satisfying. He cast it again. _Bang._ And again. _Bang_. And again. –And the actual spell shot out from his wand in a beam of light and faded into the distance.

The spell had worked!

He pushed at the barrier at the edge of the property with no success, but the spell had worked, anyway. He tried again.

"_Reducto!" _There was a bang and a puff of red-orange smoke appeared. He cast it again and again, but the spell didn't work. He frowned and stomped back to the train station, coughing up orange smoke, his car following behind.

"Nice," said Fred. "Did it work?"

"No," said Harry glumly. "But the spell actually worked once. Have you been able to do any magic?"

"Nothing but my magical personality," said Fred.

Harry smiled weakly and glanced at the map. Luna had just landed on Chance. Then she started moving around the board…Harry watched her go all the way back around and stop at Go. "Advance to Go," he recited.

"Collect $200," said Fred.

"Have you played before?" asked Harry.

"Dad had Muggle board game night. We played the British version."

"Ron didn't seem to remember that," said Harry.

Fred grinned. "He wasn't there. There was something in his drink that night that made him a little sick."

Harry didn't ask.

He watched Ron's ship head back out to the ocean and sail around to the Community Chest on the second side of the board and stop. Then Dumbledore moved five squares over to Free Parking.

"Well, I've got to get back to work," said Fred. "Are you going to buy the station?"

"Yeah," said Harry, still looking at the map.

"You'd better do it soon. Your turn's coming up."

"Ugh, do I have to buy it from Rita?"

"You can call the bank, if you'd prefer Malfoy. Good luck, Harry! If I see You-Know-Who I'll make him ride in the bumpy car." He jogged back over and hoisted himself up into the engine room.

Harry frowned. How would he get find the banker? There was a phone across the station. He walked across and picked up the phone. There was a phone book underneath, and he opened it up.

All of the properties were listed next to their owners' name (if they'd been bought). The utilities, Rita Real Estate, Mr. Monopoly, and the Bank were listed. Harry dialed the number next to "Bank," and put the phone to his ear. He heard a crack behind him, and he whirled around, dropping the phone.

Lucius stood behind him. "You called?"

"Yeah, er…I'd like to buy this property," he said.

"That's $200," said Lucius Malfoy impatiently.

Harry rifled through his pockets again until he found the stack of bills. He pulled out two $100 bills and handed them to Lucius. He looked back down at his stack. He had $1300 left. He wondered what would happen if he ran out.

Lucius cleared his throat and Harry looked up.

"Here's your deed. Take it; I don't have all day."

Harry took the deed from his hand. It was the same as the deeds in the card game, but it was about a foot wide and long. On it were details about how to charge rent and buy houses and hotels.

The station was silent for a moment, and then Lucius almost whispered, "When you see my son, tell him good luck for me."

"I will," said Harry, surprised. Harry looked up to say "and thanks," but Lucius was gone.

He felt something twitching in is pocket, and he reached in curiously. It was the pair of dice. No sooner had he pulled them out, than they launched themselves out of his hands and fell clattering to the stone floor a few paces away. Harry chased after them and bent down to see—

One was a one, and one was a four. As soon as he picked up the dice, he found himself tripping backwards. He landed on the metal seat of his car. The door shut behind him, and the car took off, driving out the doors of the train station, down the stairs, and back onto the road.

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**Next chapter: Jail! **

**Review, please! And vote in the poll. Who should I ship? I'll definitely have Remus/Sirius, but should I also have Snape/Harry or should I have Draco/Harry or Draco/Snape/Harry or all of the above? =D Please vote!**


	4. Jail

**A/N: The ship is HP/SS, but this chapter has a little HP/DM. Don't be fooled. It's just…because I had to. Happy reading. **

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Harry's car bustled its way down the road past Oriental Avenue (sold), Chance, Vermont Avenue (which Harry knew was owned by Ron), and Connecticut Avenue. The scenery got steadily nicer—or cleaner, anyway. By the time Harry got to Connecticut Avenue, there was no garbage along the road at all. The landscape resembled desert. It was dry and cracked and barren, but as Harry drove, thunderclouds were building over the ocean in front of Harry and to his left. Lightning began to flash in the sky, and a brisk wind swooped into the convertible and pulled at Harry's hair and clothes.

The first drops began to fall when Harry caught sight of the jailhouse. By the time he got there, he was soaking wet. He leapt out of the car and he ran through the pounding rain to the front door. He held it open for the car, and let it swing shut. His wet shoes slapped against the linoleum in the entryway.

"Hello?" he called. His voice echoed through the dark hall. He looked around and found a light switch. He flipped it, and harsh fluorescent lights flooded the hall. It gave him the distinct impression of being in a hospital.

He turned the lights back off.

He squelched down the hall, car in tow, wondering if he could find himself a blanket or a dry set of clothes.

He moved down the hall and called again, louder this time. "Hello?"

"Potter? Is that you?" he heard hollered from a distance.

"Malfoy?" called Harry. His shoes slapped against the linoleum and echoed. He stopped again so he could hear Malfoy's voice.

"I'm here! They've locked me up!"

Harry rounded a corner and the linoleum gave way to concrete. He took a few more paces and was in front of a set of heavy grey bars. There was Malfoy, black suit and fedora. Inside his stall with him was his silver horse.

"How did you get in here, Malfoy?" asked Harry.

"Community Chest," said Malfoy. "Can you get me out? I think Filch said he'd be gone for a while."

"Filch is here? You can get yourself out, Malfoy. Just pay the bail or roll doubles."

"I will not. This is a mistake. I shouldn't even be here."

"It's a game, Malfoy. Get off your high horse."

"I am off my horse—"

"It's an expression, Malfoy! It means stop being a prat!"

"Well—" He couldn't think of anything to say back. "Well, what are you in here for?"

"I'm just visiting," said Harry. "When's your turn?"

"If you just went, Black goes next, then Severus, and then me."

"If you're free." Harry started shuddering with cold.

Malfoy looked at him, frowning for a moment before—

"For Salazar's sake, Potter, there's a cabinet with blankets over there." He pointed through the bars. "And…er…get me one while you're at it."

Harry shuffled over to the cabinet where Draco was pointing. With his pruning fingers, he pried it open and pulled out a stack of blankets. He returned to Draco's cell and slid a blanket through the bars before wrapping one around himself. The water in his clothes quickly soaked through the blanket and he pulled on a second, starting to shudder uncontrollably. The puddle grew under his feet. He stood, staring dumbly into space shivering.

"Potter, you're going to get pneumonia."

"W-w-what would-d you-u s-s-sug-g-gest?" Harry shook out.

"You need to get out of your wet clothes," said Draco calmly.

"A-are y-you t-t-t-telling me t-to strip-p?"

"Well, when you say it like that…"

"Guh!" Harry grunted in frustration and pulled his blankets closer.

"Potter, I was serious. You're going to catch pneumonia."

"B-by all m-means, then, d-d-dry me," said Harry, frustrated.

Draco pulled out his wand. "Stubborn moron." He said the incantation for a drying spell, and, predictably, his wand banged and Draco was enveloped in a cloud of blue smoke.

"Bugger! I hate not being able to use magic."

"I actually g-got a c-curse to work," said Harry, still shivering behind the bars. "J-just one. I t-think it w-w-was r-random-m."

He raised an eyebrow. "Interesting. Well, while you're shivering like an idiot, would you mind if I tried vanishing the bars?"

"G-g-go for it," said Harry. "M-maybe if I g-get annoyed enough, it'll warm m-me up-p."

"Brilliant reasoning, Potter." He pointed his wand at the bars. "_Evanesco!" _BANG. "_Evanesco!" _BANG. "_Evanesco!"_ BANG. The room became hazy with purple smoke.

A half hour later, Draco had reclined on his cot and was still pointing his wand lazily, incanting "_Evanesco_!" every minute or so. Harry had huddled into a ball at the foot of the bars, rocking back and forth shivering. His teeth were chattering audibly, and his blankets were soaked through.

"Oh, get yourself another blanket, Potter."

Harry didn't argue. It sounded like a good idea, and his brain was too cold to be thinking anything like that for himself. He stood numbly, shaking out his stiff limbs and heading over to the cabinet.

"_Evanesco!"_ BANG. Harry pulled out another blanket. _"Evanesco!"_ BANG. Harry dropped his old blanket into a soaking heap. _"Evanesco!"_

Harry shrieked as all of his clothing vanished. He whipped the blanket around himself before shouting indignantly, "_Malfoy!_"

"It worked, Potter! Did you see that? My spell didn't—oh."

He looked at Harry and snickered.

"Nice legs."

Harry shot him a glare before turning back to the cabinet and pulling out another blanket. He wrapped the first one securely around his waste, and pulled the second over his shoulders. The blankets dragged behind him like a train, but they were warm and dry.

He went back over to the bars and sat down in the only patch of floor he hadn't puddled on. He leaned back and relaxed against the bars, finally allowing some of his frozen muscles to unclench.

"Feel better?" asked Draco.

"I feel rather drafty," said Harry. "Surprise!"

Draco chuckled. "So, er, that was your second turn, right?"

"Yeah," said Harry. "I went to Reading Railroad and bought it. The Weasley twins are running the trains. Ugh, and Rita Skeeter is the real estate agent. Watch out for her. She's really irritating."

"That's not new," said Draco.

"I thought you liked her," said Harry.

"Nah," said Draco. "She just helped us make you look like a git."

"Yeah, we got her back for that," said Harry.

"How?"

"Blackmail," said Harry.

"Potter!" exclaimed Draco, impressed. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"It was Hermione, actually, but Skeeter really did have it coming."

Draco snorted. "Well, she wrote some pretty bad stuff about my father one time. I don't know how she managed. He leans on the Prophet pretty hard. He must have provoked her or something."

Harry remembered. "I saw your father at the station, Dra—Malfoy. He, er…said to tell you good luck if I saw you. So, er…Good luck."

Draco was quiet for a moment. "Er…Thanks." There was more awkward silence. Draco broke it. "So, have you seen anyone else?"

"Oh," said Harry, remembering the map. As he pulled it out he said, "I know Dumbledore bought Pennsylvania Railroad, and I think Voldemort got Baltic, but he moved on to the Electric Company. I hope he doesn't turn off all the power or something. Ron took Vermont, and Snape was on New York Ave last time I checked. Lupin landed on Baltic while Voldemort was there. I hope he's ok. Luna somehow went back to Go…"

He got the map out. It still displayed the board and its players.

"Come see for yourself," said Harry.

He heard Draco's cot creak as Draco stood up. Draco knelt behind him and peered at the map over Harry's shoulder through the bars.

"There's you and me," said Harry pointing at JAIL. "And there's…oh. There's Remus and Voldemort. How did they end up together again? I hope Voldemort didn't kidnap him…You must have missed your turn because Hermione's already on Pennsylvania Railroad. I don't think she's bought property yet. She's been stuck on already owned stuff so far."

Ron was still on Community Chest, and Dumbledore was still on Free Parking, but started moving along the third side as they watched. Right after Free Parking was Kentucky Avenue, which Sirius occupied. Snape was on Water Works, and Luna was…Luna was on Boardwalk.

"How did she get there?" asked Draco, his voice cracking with indignation.

"It _is _her dream," said Harry.

"Cheat," he muttered.

"Maybe she got a Chance or Community Chest or something," said Harry.

"Or maybe the loon is cheating."

Harry suddenly noticed Draco's hot breath on the back of his neck and jumped.

"Calm down Potter. I'm not going to hurt you."

Harry had pulled his goose-bumped shoulders up to his ears.

"_Relax_, Potter." Harry felt warm hands on his shoulders through the blanket and, in spite of himself, he didn't move away. "Geez, Potter, I've seen people mid seizure who were less tense." Draco squeezed Harry's shoulders, and Harry felt himself relax.

They spent a few minutes in silence while Draco seized handfuls of Harry's stiff shoulder muscles. Harry melted back into the bars, his mind as numb as his body had been. The blanket slipped down, and Draco's searing hands brushed Harry's shoulders. Harry felt his goose bumps melt away. He sighed involuntarily and felt Malfoy change position behind him. He felt hot breath close to his ear.

There was a clatter across the room startling Harry and Draco out of their trances.

"What was that?" asked Harry, alarmed.

"Mrs. Norris?" asked Draco.

Harry got up, not really wanting to be caught, even by a cat, with Draco giving him a massage. He crossed the room to try to see where the noise had come from. His car inched behind him.

It was just his pile of clothes. Beside the pile was…

His dice.

He frowned, annoyed with himself that he'd startled so easily. He stooped and picked up the dice.

"It was just my dice," said Harry. He turned around, and immediately tripped into the car that was idling behind him. He tried to scramble out, but the door slammed shut. He tried to jump out, but the car started driving down the hall, and Harry was knocked back into his seat. The car burst through the front doors, and leapt onto the drying pavement. Harry would have been overjoyed to see that it had stopped raining, but he'd just realized he didn't know what numbers the dice had rolled, and that he didn't have pants.

Back in the cell, Draco shuffled back to his cot. "Good luck, Harry," he whispered.

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**A/N: I read that out loud to a class. **

**Next chapter: Where is Harry going? Who will he meet next? And how the heck is he going to find pants?**


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